Year of the Boar, Eighth Month, Day 4.

Atusko has almost finished the preparations for the move to the Summer House. I have yet to decide exactly when we shall go but it must be soon. I lay awake for most of the night wishing above all else that I could sink into the warm embrace of the weed but I had none. Neither Nanami nor Atsuko would fetch it for me if I lay prostrate before them and begged like the lowest of dogs and there is none other I would trust save Chiyo and I cannot send her.
I believe that I finally have an inkling of what Izumi is about. She has been diligent about visiting me in my chambers but this morning she sent a message suggesting a turn around my lake. I could think of no reasonable excuse and so I agreed. Nanami put my hair in a single braid and as has become my habit, I wore only kohl around my eyes and rouge on my lips and I wore silver silks with a pattern of navy blue cranes; a sash of red and a cord of silver completed my outfit and because the weather has started to get cooler, I took a fur wrap. When I arrived in my gardens with Nanami and Chiyo trailing behind with another wrap in case it became even colder, I saw that Izumi had dressed her hair in the same way as I.  It struck me then, that the resemblance between us is quite strong and that with the right make-up, dressed in my silks, Izumi could easily be mistaken for me.
I felt filled with a sense of foreboding and I had half a mind to turn back and simply say that I felt ill. The only thought that kept me out for the walk was that it might be an opportunity to trick her into giving herself away. She did not of course; she is far too clever for that although I do believe that she has overplayed her hand... When I commented on her hair, she simply smiled in that faintly supercilious way of hers and murmured that she had seen that I wore it this way and had thought to follow my style. It would fast become all the rage at court, she told me although she did think a flower pinned into the top of the braid would enhance the look.
As Izumi continued to smile and continue talking about my so-called style, I felt overcome by a sudden moment of clarity. I saw ... a flash of ... something... in her eyes as we walked around my lake and it filled me with dread. I do not know what it was but it was as if  I could somehow see beyond this realm and into another; I knew without doubt that Izumi intends to replace me. With whom she conspires, I do not yet know and I cannot say what motivates her but I know that I am in danger.  I must leave the House as soon as I can. If I have to leave everything I own behind, I will. I must summon the Diplomats and tell them what I have decided and I must leave....
As I sit here and write these words, it occurs to me that perhaps the more sensible decision would be to go elsewhere. The entire Kingdom knows I have a Summer House; anybody could find me there. In fact, if I wished another of the Rulers ill, I would already have my associates waiting at strategic places I knew they would likely run and then I would drive them out of their House and wait until they ran into my traps... I cannot win.
Whatever I do, I am damned. If I stay, Izumi herself may simply act openly to depose me or worse and if I leave, there may be assassins lying in wait. I am consumed with the need for a pipe and can concentrate only on my desire to feel the heavy smoke weave down my throat and conquer my lungs. If only there were someone I could rely on to advise me, to help me... to stand for me... I know that Atsuko, Nanami and Chiyo would give their lives for me but they cannot fight for me in the way that I need ... If only Broken Rampart had not gone... if only he would come back... Perhaps if I sent an envoy to Lord Kenta, he might forgive me... the gods alone know I need someone now...