Year of the Boar, Thirteenth Month, Day 6.

 When Airi woke, she seemed utterly bemused by my distress at her knowing where to find me. The Diplomats, apparently had given her my whereabouts when she turned up at the House looking for me. I am furious. FURIOUS. How dare they tell anyone where I am?! Heads will roll when I do return to the House. What was the point in fleeing the House if they are going to tell anyone with a sob story where I have gone?! Of course this has served only to increase my anxiety tenfold. If the Diplomats have told Airi where I am, who else have they told?

I want to be happy to see her. I want to lie in her arms for sticks on end but I am SO ANGRY. I cannot. She does not understand and I am so incensed that I cannot have a conversation with her. I have told Atsuko to deal with her because if I speak to her, I will say things I regret and I will ruin whatever it is that we have together. I do not want to do that. I know it is not her fault but I cannot change how I feel. I cannot rid myself of the crawling feeling on my skin, the dread which consumes me or the memory of the things he did. Airi finding me so very easily has brought all of that back because I know that if she can find me, so can he...

I broke several koto strings and ruined a set of brushes trying to distract myself from this fury before I calmed myself enough to put my thoughts on parchment. I will have to speak to her eventually, I suppose but for now, I will stay here in solitude and try to calm down.