Year of the Boar, Ninth Month, Day 9.

 I write this bent over with an arm across my stomach. It is not conducive to writing but I must try to take my mind off the pain although I suppose writing about it will scarcely stop me from thinking about how desperately I wish to feel the soothing rush of opium as it enters my lungs. I have been in terrible pain today; it has been as if my stomach has been a churning vat of boiling oil.
I know a pipe would stop the ache but I have no idea where I could acquire opium here. Even if I did, neither Atsuko nor Nanami could be persuaded to procure some.
If only Broken Rampart were here; he would make me that vile tea of his and talk to me until the ache had gone. If he were here, I would not have fallen out with Nanami and I would not be afraid to return to Dying Crane.
I realised when I woke this morning that I am afraid... I am afraid to return and I am afraid to stay... There is nothing I can do to make my situation better; I can escape only by dying and I am afraid of that, too... If Broken Rampart were here, perhaps he could make sense of the nightmares and of my fears; perhaps he could help me as he did before he left...