Year of the Boar, Eleventh Month, Day 3.

 There is another letter. Another letter bearing the seal of Fallen Sakura... I have not opened it... I will not... I cannot... It is as if he knows ... he knows that I am alone now and it can only be a matter of time before he comes back to take my House... I found it in the pile of correspondence the Diplomats left me this morning... I picked it up before I realised whose seal it bore and when I turned it over, I dropped it instantly as if the parchment burnt my very flesh... it has remained there ever since because I cannot bring myself to touch it again... my chest hurts and I feel so sick... I thought perhaps leaving my chamber would help but when I ventured into my garden, it was but a fraction of a stick before fear overcame me and I was forced to return to the House. 

I could not bring myself to go back into my chamber so I have taken refuge in my offices... it is so long since I came in here that I had almost forgotten they were here. The heavy drapes on the walls are layered with dust as was my desk and there is a faint smell like mouldering leaves lingering in the air... I have been sitting at my desk since I came in from the garden hoping that Shigeru's letter will somehow not be there when I return to my chamber... that perhaps it was a figment of my imagination... a trick of the gods... I cannot make myself go back in there to find out... I know in my heart that it will still be there...its poison seeping into my tatami... I will tell Atsuko that I wish to move my chambers again... no... that will not do... I must get away from here... I must go to the summer house. I will take a handful of my retainers and a few maids ... no one else need know where I am... what the House does not know, the House cannot tell... 

Year of the Boar, Eleventh Month, Day 1.

 Atsuko has assigned another maid to me; I have no idea what her name is... she is younger than Chiyo or so she appears... how can someone who is little more than a child look after my needs...? I do so wish Namami would return... I wish I had gone to her village as I had planned to convince her to come back but I did not and now... now it is too late... Atsuko wanted the new maid to come and learn how to dress me and do my hair this afternoon but I have insisted that she learns on someone else before she is ever allowed to touch me. I have not forgotten how Nanami's replacement got kohl in my eyes when Atsuko was trying to teach her how I like to wear my make up... 

Seira has decided to take a holiday; I cannot say I blame her... I should like to take a holiday but of course I cannot... and I can hardly confine her to her chambers and stop her from leaving so I shall have to do without her until she returns... but I am afraid... I am so afraid... now Rani has gone, the coast is clear for Shigeru to do as he pleases and without Seira here to advise me, how will I stop him...? Perhaps I should reconsider removing my immediate household to the summer house... it will be extremely cold there but I could manage... I am sure I could manange for a few weeks...