Year of the Boar, Thirteenth Month, Day 15.

 Airi came to my bed last night. I was worried about hurting her because she is still bruised from her fall but she said she had waited long enough and would bed me. I felt myself blushing furiously, embarrassed at how badly I ached for her touch, at how my body responded to the thought of that touch. I was glad of the dark although she must have felt the heat in my cheeks when she kissed me. 

In the dead of night, she whispered to me that she would have us stay in each other's arms forever and my heart stopped. If I had not been lying down, I would have swooned. I bit down on my lower lip to suppress the sob I felt rising in my chest. I so wanted to believe her. I would be content to lie here with her until the end of time ... I played with her hair, wrapping it around my finger over and over again as I whispered back that I would also have us stay here forever. She pulled herself up at that, her weight on one elbow and in the dim light of the guttering night lantern, I could just about see her looking at me intently.

"You do not sound as though you want that..." she said softly. "in fact, you sound as though you would rather eat glass than have me in your bed at this moment..." 

She may as well have stabbed me with a piece of that glass. I sat up and wrapped my arms around my knees. I tried to look at her and say what I was feeling but instead, I cried. Eventually, I managed to explain how afraid I was of how she made me feel. That I felt confused about what there was between us and how quickly we had gone from meeting to ... whatever this... was... I blurted out that she could have anyone in any of the Nine Kingdoms and I so badly wanted to be more than a plaything to her ... I hesitated then; afraid that I had said far too much and I felt my stomach churning with anxiety about what she might say. 

She leaned close and put her hand on my cheek, turning my face to hers. I record here the words she said to me because I never, ever want to forget them:

It has been fast between us but the first time I saw you, I knew that my heart would never be still again until we were one.  When you sang to me, I felt as if I were made from water and fire at the same time. My soul felt incomplete when I had to leave Dying Crane without you by my side. Your beauty is fragile and your heart is wild. You are like a swallow spiralling on the evening winds and I would fly with you if you would let me. 

And then she kissed me and it was my turn to feel as if I were made from water and fire at the same time. In the dead of night, the gods whispered her name on the wind again and I dared to believe that they had given her to me.