Year of the Boar. Tenth Month, Day 15. Postscript.

It would appear that this plot runs deeper than I had imagined. Seira arrived with Atsuko and Nanami's replacement in tow to 'escort' me to the evening meal. I say 'escort'... between them, they manhandled me into court silks, plastered kohl and lipstick onto my face and dragged my hair into an elaborate bun; I barely had time to open my mouth to object to their treatment of me before I found myself frog-marched to the Banquet Hall. I can barely articulate my rage at the ignominy of being forced to kneel at the table and make small talk with Izumi and some other cousins so insignificant, I cannot remember their names. After about a quarter of a stick, I decided to try and make my escape but Seira actually had the temerity to put her hand on my arm and suggest that I wait to try the new dish my chef has been working on.
Of course it was not a suggestion at all and I felt the slightest pressure from Seira's fingernails through my silks warning me to do as she said. It makes no difference what the chef has been working on; it all tastes like ash but I did not have the energy to cause yet another scene so I did as I was told and ate the fish. I am so angry that I could not even say what the fish was or how it was cooked. Seira would not let me leave until I had eaten a full bowl of rice as well as the fish and some sort of braised vegetables. As if that were not humiliating enough, she forced me to stay and listen to the musicians as they accompanied green tea and crystalised chrysanthemums. Worse yet, she has made sure that I have not been left alone since the meal so that I cannot make myself sick; even as I write this, the doors to my chamber are open and a maid kneels right in the doorway watching my every move.
It seems that my initial instinct to trust Seira was completely wrong. What I do not know is whether she has always been part of the plot against me or if she has somehow been persuaded to join Izumi more recently. Have events taken such a turn that she no longer feels the need to hide behind artificial niceties and the pretence of helping my House...? I have truly exchanged one jailer for another and even if I could find a way to make Seira leave Dying Crane, I am now completely surrounded by those who wish me harm. I have no option but to wait for fate to decide what to do with me... my only hope is that when the end comes, it is not at the hands of Shigeru...

Year of the Boar, Tenth Month, Day 15.

Just when I believed that I could not feel any worse, Seira burst into my chamber this morning brandishing a scroll. Aside from my objections to having my privacy invaded whenever Seira feels the need for company, I am more in need of a pipe than ever since she read me the contents of the scroll. It was from Princess Rani's delegation; they have travelled through the Seventh far faster than they had anticipated and the border with Dying Crane is within five day's ride.
Naturally I did not recieve this news well and scolded Seira soundly for not having even begun the preparations for the visit but to my surprise, Seira simply looked at me and raised an eyebrow. The angered me even more than an outburst would have and I told her to get out in no uncertain terms. I am now completely convinced that I was right to think that this is some sort of plot to destroy my House. Princess Rani would have planned a visit to the Seventh with precision; her people would have known exactly how long it would take her to travel from the Ruler's palace to Dying Crane. This nonsense about having travelled faster than anticipated is exactly that; nonsense. I do not believe it at all.
This is an equisitely orchestrated ruse to push me into concentrating on this visit while Shigeru attacks from another direction; probably from within, if my interpretation of recent events is correct. If I could smoke, the anxiety would abate at least enough for me to think calmly about the situation. The summer house may still be an option as may the sea but even if I had time to flee to either, there is no guarantee that Shigeru would not anticipate it. For all I know, he has other spies around my House as well as Izumi and Atsuko...

Year of the Boar, Tenth Month, Day 13.

I cannot settle. I need a pipe. Atsuko is unhappy because I have refused to attend the Banquet Hall for meals; I will never fully regain control of the House if I do not re-enter court life, she says. As if I do not know this. As if I have not heard it multiple times before... from Broken Rampart, from Nanami, from Seira ... That does not change the fact that I am tired and I am afraid...

I picked out some tunes on my koto earlier which brought Seira barging into my room without so much as a 'by your leave'... I should have been irritated at the lack of courtesy but I did not have the energy to chastise her once I discovered the real reason for her visit. It seems as though her relationship with Yuuta is not what I had imagined... She seems so pragmatic and unsentimental; it is difficult to imagine her being coerced into anything she did not wish to do let alone the things she says Yuuta wants of her. She had not wanted to bother me with it, she said, but things had progressed to such an extent that she no longer feels safe at Dying Crane and wanted my permission to leave. 

I am shocked. I would not have believed it if she had not pushed her silks back and shown me the bruises at the base of her throat. I do not know what I should do now... I can scarcely do without her but I cannot countenance a confrontation with Yuuta, either.

Seira seemed to be implying that she is not the only one suffering abuses at the hands of the men in this House and the reponsibility for that lies at my door... It is clear that I have only two options; pull myself together and take back my House once and for all or absolve myself of any responsibility at all and leave it all to go to the seven Hells... Of course I have promised Seira that I will take steps to address the situation; how could I not when she knelt, sobbing and distraught, beside me...? But rather than feeling empowered by the fact that I have survived, the very thought of coming face to face with another abuser makes my stomach writhe. I cannot do it. I cannot... I had thought that Seira would be able to help me take back my House but instead, she has fallen prey to the same disease...