Year of the Boar, Twelfth Month, Day 2.

A healer finally arrived yesterday. She has given Atsuko some disgusting concoctions and the fever does seem to have receded. Atsuko managed to eat a small amount of fish which is surely better than a diet of soup... Can it be that the gods have finally taken pity on me?  I cannot bring myself to think about what will happen if Atsuko does not recover. I could not bear it.

The weather is not helping. The inn is flimsy and the walls do not seem to hold the heat from the fires in most of the rooms. There are gaps in the roof I had not noticed until the icy wind outside found its way inside and the matting seems permanently damp. Riko has heated some bricks in the fire which we have wrapped in blankets and put around Atsuko's bed to keep her warm. The healer says the next day is critical. She brings medicine every few sticks and barks instructions at me as if I am Atsuko's maid. I suppose I have not told her otherwise and for now, it does not matter. I only want Atsuko to make a recovery. 

Year of the Boar, Eleventh Month, Day 27.

 Riko's illness turned out to be a contagion. After a day or two, other patrons began complaining of being unwell and it was not long before my throat began to feel as if I had swallowed broken glass and I developed a fever. Shortly after I began coughing, Atsuko was taken ill and before long, the entire inn was rife with it. All but those with the strongest of constitutions were bedridden and although I have now recovered but for a lingering cough, Atsuko is still terribly unwell and has been unable to eat anything but soup. She does not rally and I am so afraid that she will leave me... I have been at her bedside since I was well enough to rise from my own bed. I have begged the gods to save her until I am hoarse but they do not act.  I do not know what to do. 

Year of the Boar, Eleventh Month, Day 18.

We have been forced to stop at another inn. Riko, one of the younger maids has taken ill and even I am not heartless enough to force her to continue riding in this bitter wind if she ails. I cannot help but think that this is a ploy to slow my journey. Perhaps she is not ill at all and this is merely a stalling tactic intended to isolate me here with no guards to protect me. In my haste to escape Shigeru’s threat, perhaps I have fallen straight into a trap. 

I do not know what to do. The weather has worsened in the few days we have been travelling; the first snow has fallen and it will not be long before winter truly sets in and we are at the mercy of biting blizzards. If we do not arrive at the Summer House before then, I do not know what we will do. 

I realise as I write, that I have not given this plan nearly enough thought. Once the snow begins to fall in earnest, I will be forced to remain at the Summer House until the spring… How stupid I have been. Why did I not just wait until Seira came back…? She would know exactly what to do. I should never have let her go away with no idea of when she would return. 

Atsuko says she has given the Diplomats strict instructions and that they have sent to Shimmering Dawn for soldiers in case Shigeru does make good on his threat. How does she expect me to be reassured by that? I do not know what sort of army Shimmering Dawn has. Surely it is not big enough to send a contingent through Fallen Sakura to defend Dying Crane and still protect their own Lands? Perhaps the threat alone would be enough to send Shigeru on his way. 

How I wish I had paid more attention to my lessons. If I had, perhaps I might be able to see a way out of this nightmare…

Year of the Boar, Eleventh Month, Day 16.

 I have not slept. I am exhausted but sleep continues to elude me. I have tried several times since we set out for the Summer House but closing my eyes serves only to magnify the invasive, terrifying thoughts which beset me. I feel sick. I have tried to eat but I cannot. 

I am trapped. A fly ensnared in Shigeru’s web. There is no way out. Everywhere I look, I see betrayal and subterfuge. I am so afraid. There is no respite from my fears. If only I could find someone who would bring me a pipe… 

Atsuko says that she believes that Izumi is up to something but that we will deal with her when the time is right. For now, we must concentrate on dealing with the threat from Fallen Sakura. She also says that I am wrong to be suspicious of Airi. Atsuko says Airi is wonderful and smitten, and that there is no ulterior motive in her interest. I wish that were true. How I wish that were true… I should like to feel safe in her arms again but I do not think I ever shall.

We have only ridden west for a day but it already feels much colder. It will take another few days to reach the Summer House. We have stopped at an inn to rest. Atsuko does not want to exhaust the maids we have brought with us and says that we must stay over night but I want to continue the journey. A small group of soldiers has taken another route and I will not feel even a little bit safe until we meet them at the Summer House. For all I know, Shigeru has spies all about Dying Crane who would be only too pleased to earn a fat purse by letting him know my whereabouts. No one can be trusted except Atsuko and some days, I am even uncertain about that.