Year of the Boar, Eleventh Month, Day 16.

 I have not slept. I am exhausted but sleep continues to elude me. I have tried several times since we set out for the Summer House but closing my eyes serves only to magnify the invasive, terrifying thoughts which beset me. I feel sick. I have tried to eat but I cannot. 

I am trapped. A fly ensnared in Shigeru’s web. There is no way out. Everywhere I look, I see betrayal and subterfuge. I am so afraid. There is no respite from my fears. If only I could find someone who would bring me a pipe… 

Atsuko says that she believes that Izumi is up to something but that we will deal with her when the time is right. For now, we must concentrate on dealing with the threat from Fallen Sakura. She also says that I am wrong to be suspicious of Airi. Atsuko says Airi is wonderful and smitten, and that there is no ulterior motive in her interest. I wish that were true. How I wish that were true… I should like to feel safe in her arms again but I do not think I ever shall.

We have only ridden west for a day but it already feels much colder. It will take another few days to reach the Summer House. We have stopped at an inn to rest. Atsuko does not want to exhaust the maids we have brought with us and says that we must stay over night but I want to continue the journey. A small group of soldiers has taken another route and I will not feel even a little bit safe until we meet them at the Summer House. For all I know, Shigeru has spies all about Dying Crane who would be only too pleased to earn a fat purse by letting him know my whereabouts. No one can be trusted except Atsuko and some days, I am even uncertain about that.