Year of the Boar, Twelfth Month. Day 17.

 It has been snowing for sticks on end. The soft, uneven flakes have floated about gracefully on the light wind before landing and have not ceased; the ground is covered in a thick carpet of it. The trees now carry heavy burdens of snow which thud to the ground every so often when the branch can no longer bear the weight of it. Despite the snow, it is not as cold as it might be for the time of year. The seasonal blizzards have yet to begin which makes it possible to appreciate the beauty of the crystal landscapes without suffering. 

Atsuko is now up and about and delivering orders as if her life depended on it. The twins have been snivelling about having to work so hard and if we were not in the middle of nowhere, I would let them decide to return to their mother... Atsuko has refused to let me slap them but oh, how they are testing my patience. I have a koto here and I wanted to play it this afternoon but it was so difficult to concentrate on the tuning with their constant burbling that I gave up. I informed the twins and Riko that I will play tomorrow and if I cannot do so undisturbed, they will be put out in the snow for as long as I see fit. Of course that was quite the wrong thing to say because it simply resulted in a fresh bout of wailing.

Strange... there was a time when I would have slapped them all and put them outside anyway... I do not know what has caused this change but I suppose I no longer wish to be viewed as a despotic harridan.

We have tried to convince the Deputy Master at Arms that the soldiers who guard the outside of the house should come inside, but he is adamant that they are trained to do their duty in all weather and having them stationed outside will give him early warning of a potential threat. Atsuko told me in no uncertain terms that I would accept his advice without question but I would not have argued anyway. I wish I could write that I am calm and unworried but I am terrified. If Shigeru decides to make good on his threat, he will not come alone. How could he? If his soldiers outnumber mine or are simply more skilled, he will slaughter Atsuko and the girls before their hearts take their next beat and I will be totally at his mercy. I feel sick at the thought of what he might do to me before releasing me from my misery. I feel sick and I can think of nothing other than how it felt when he mauled me.