Year of the Boar, Twelfth Month, Day 7.

 Atsuko says she is well enough to travel. I am not certain that she is right but the inn is not doing very much for her health. Yesterday, water began cascading into the common room because a tile has come loose from the roof. The innkeepers apologised with a shrug; business has been bad and they cannot afford to pay for the slate needed to repair it. The air is constantly damp and efforts to keep the fire going are not having much effect. The flames roar for a stick or so but quickly die so that all we have to keep us warm is the embers. The sleeping rooms have no fires and the cold makes the walls smell of mould. Riko's fingernails are blue with the cold and today she began coughing again.

It is too soon to think of riding on to the Summer House but if we stay here, I am afraid Atsuko will never recover fully. The thought of having to manage without her makes my stomach twist. I do believe I could go on. It would be the final straw... 

I feel ashamed that I have never cared to understand how people live outside the confines of the House. These people are poor, scratching a living in awful conditions, reliant on traders and merchants who may or may not pass by. In winter even they do not travel and the inn costs more to remain open than it makes. I could make things better for them with a click of my fingers but if I do, I have no doubt that Shigeru would find out where I am, no sooner than I had handed over the coin they need. 

Thinking about that brought up bile. I will not let him touch me again. I cannot. My skin crawls at the memory of his fingers clutching at my flesh and the self-satisfied look on his face once he was sated. No. I must rid myself of these memories and think instead of Airi. Airi... so gentle, so tender, so... careful. The image of her sparkling eyes and smiling, generous mouth as she kissed my fingertips warms me more than the fire would even if it burned. I wish I knew what the gods meant when they spoke her name. I so want to believe I can trust her but it could just as easily have been a warning. I have told no one what I experienced; the maids think me deranged as it is. Perhaps I am. Perhaps this is all a dream as I once thought, after all. I have no way to tell. 

I think we must leave tomorrow. I will tell Riko to pack. If we leave before first light and do not stop, we may arrive at the Summer House before dawn the next day. It will be very unpleasant but I cannot risk any of us becoming more unwell.