Year of the Boar, Third Month, Day 20.

Unfortunately my presence was required at the talks this afternoon and I was forced to sit across the table from Lord Fallen Sakura and act as though nothing at all had passed between us, as though we were merely two Houses allied with each other, working on ways to cement our "friendship". My stomach refuses to settle, I sat there rigidly, trying to force the image of him pinching and biting from my mind... Lord Shigeru remained impassive, asking for nothing much as I presented him with the usual drawn up agreement between us in which he agrees to protect Dying Crane with his forces, keeping the hordes and bandits from our borders and we offer a ridiculous, token tribute... because both he and I know that the real tribute is my bed... The other Houses believe he protects us out of loyalty to my Mother who was his great... friend... I am sure there are those who believe what is the truth but I wonder if any of them know what he did... Perhaps they would not believe it if I were to tell someone... and really, who could I possibly tell...? What earthly good would it do now? Would it take away the pain I felt, or feel now? Would it make him stop? Would it stop me from feeling humiliated every time I am forced to look at him? I do not believe it would. So I will remain silent and protect my House because if I do not, and Dying Crane falls, I truly will be at the mercy of Lord Shigeru, and who knows what he would do to me without the appearance of propriety to protect me... The only way out is his death... and he is in robust health, his will sees Dying Crane taken care of, so I would be the first suspect if he were to be killed... gods, how did I grow up so very stupid... why did I not tell my Mother the first time he molested me...? If only there *were* a way out... a way for us to pay a proper tribute... perhaps to White Lake or Silent Thunder... switch allegiances... I will think on it, but I must smoke... and try to forget...