I remember little of yesterday. Once I was awake and dressed for the day, I let it be known that I would not be receiving visitors no matter the urgency and I dismissed every last one of the servants. Not that they were happy about it but I insisted and there was little they could do about it. Once I was alone, I took my remaining pipe from its hiding place and broke off a minuscule amount of the opium I had found. I felt ashamed to find that my hands were shaking and my breath came shallowly in anticipation as I prepared my pipe but mostly I felt amused that neither Itsuki nor Nanami had known about this one. Aside from the fact that I was so desperate to smoke, this pipe had always been a favourite of mine... A merchant gave it to me in an attempt to get me into his bed. He failed naturally, but I kept the pipe... as I recall, he never charged me for the opium either. Ah... back when men thought I was the most desirable woman in all nine Kingdoms and I should have had my pick of suitors... yet another thing for which I have Shigeru to thank.
I felt my fingers spasm around the delicate brass bowl of my pipe as I packed crushed ash into it and the pads of my fingertips took on the carved pattern of the bowl because I pressed so hard. Once I had set the opium on top of the ash, I drew my incense cone close to my bed and I lay down holding the bowl of my pipe over the glowing tip of the cone. It took a while to heat up sufficiently but it is safer than lighting a fire in my chamber... The feeling of the smoke snaking down my throat was exquisite; the drug took hold much more quickly than I remember it doing in the past and within moments, I floated away from all of my fear and from the pain. I lay there in utter bliss. For a few sticks, everything felt perfect. I do not know how long I stayed on my bed gazing up at the ceiling only that once the euphoria had worn off, I felt violently sick.
The room was dark, the sun had set while I had lain in my drug-induced haze and no one had come to light my lanterns; there was no stick burning and I had no idea what hour it was. I slid the paper screens open and stumbled onto my veranda gulping the fresh air, my heart beating suddenly fast and I felt a tremble take hold of my hands and knees. I sank to the wooden decking outside my windows and knelt there looking into the darkness asking myself what I had done... Before I had much chance to think about my situation, light spilled out onto the lawns and I heard an enraged scream from inside my chamber.
Nanami had come to light the lanterns.
I will not repeat our conversation, such as it was, but Nanami left me in absolutely no doubt as to her feelings. I have not heard such.. earthy... language from her since she first arrived. She has taken the pipe and the remainder of my opium and though I begged her not to destroy the pipe because it was precious to me, I fear she has done exactly that. I know I have upset her and I know that were Broken Rampart to hear of this he would be most disappointed if not disgusted but now, at this very minute... I want... I need... my pipe.
