Year of the Boar, Eighth Month, Day 12.

I awoke screaming from the most terrible dream... Itsuki's decapitated corpse roamed the castle seeking her bloody revenge. I managed to evade her by hiding in various rooms but eventually, I could run no further and I stood paralysed with fear, screaming at her to leave me alone as the headless body came closer and I felt suffocated by the stench of the blood that streamed from her neck... I did not, at first, realise that I was awake and I bent over, still screaming as I knelt before her pleading for my life.
It was several minutes before I was aware that it was Atsuko who called my name and not Itsuki. I leaned against Atusko for several minutes, trembling and drenched in cold sweat. She said nothing except to assure me that I was safe and when I had calmed down, she had a bath drawn for me. I began crying again while I was in the bath and I have not stopped since. I cannot. No one has even said how it happened; only that he is dead.
I feel sick. I know it would stop if I could just ... smoke... if I could just have one more pipe, I would be free of my worries for one more afternoon... just to float away and think of nothing ... to think of nothing and to feel well...
The Diplomats are anxious for me to be on my way. They say we must be at Silent Thunder sooner rather than later or we risk offending the other Houses. If I had not been so upset, I would have laughed. I do not give a fig whether I offend the other Houses or not... it is hardly as though it would be the first time... I have made into an art...