Year of the Boar, Eighth Month, Day 1.

The Diplomats arrived this morning and tried again to persuade me that I should attend the Talks at the end of the month. I simply cannot understand them. It was not so long ago that they were concerned enough about Shigeru's threats that they wished me to retire to the Summer House and today they think I should travel to Crying Orchid to be in a room with him... Sometimes, I think that they are deliberately trying to torment me... naturally, I have refused to attend the Talks. They may send a scroll or not send a scroll, I do not care. I will not go. I cannot. Since they have been in, I have been out of sorts... I cannot rid myself of the image of his face leering at me... Izumi's visit too, has stirred up more unpleasant memories. Three hours in the Bath house was not enough to rid myself of the feeling of him on my skin. Nanami is still angry over my intended move and will not speak to me without snapping. I could slap her for it, I suppose, or send her to work in the kitchen but no one can look after me properly like she does... Perhaps she will tell me what bothers her in time... Atsuko tells me that I should appoint a new Chief Diplomat or at least an adviser but I feel reluctant... how could I ever trust anyone in Itsuki's position...?

Izumi arrived as I was dressing for the evening meal, ostensibly to walk with me to the Hall and chat... I have no way of knowing what she is about; she seems so false to me now but could it just be that I suspect she has ulterior motives...? Could she just want to reconnect with me...? I wish I could remember some sort of argument between Izumi and Mother or a particular closeness before Mother died but I cannot. I can remember nothing except things I wish I could forget...