Year of the Boar, Seventh Month, Day 24.

There is no going back now that I have had Itsuki killed. I will have to attend the evening meal daily or lose face completely.  On the other hand, it may be better that way. I could retire to my Summer House and let Shigeru find me there; accept whatever happens. It is evident from my experience in the Hall that life at Dying Crane will continue as usual whether I am here or not. If I give Shigeru what he wants, he will see that the House does not die. Perhaps if I gave it without protest, he would be less inclined to exert his will.  Perhaps I could learn to bear it again as I did when the promise of a lollipop if I pleased him was enough to make me behave. It was only when I began to resist his advances that he started to use force... Perhaps... perhaps... perhaps...
If only Broken Rampart were here; he would advise me... I talked to him of Shigeru once. Only once; the anger I saw in his face frightened me so I kept the rest to myself. He told me that he was angry for me, not because of me but I could not understand the difference then so I said nothing else about it. In any case, I had already told him too many other things. Perhaps if I had told him everything about how it all made me feel, he would not have gone. Then again, it may have sent him running for the Borders faster than his horse could have carried him...
I will speak to Nanami and Atsuko about the Summer House and see if they think the Diplomats are right... whatever their answer, things cannot continue in the way they have been... I simply cannot go on...