Year of the Boar, Eighth Month, Day 19.

The monks lit the funeral cones before dawn and began the sutras they will continue to chant until Kenta is consigned to the ground. I had no desire to take my place in the Courtyard with the other Houses; the thought of even seeing Shigeru made my stomach lurch but I had no choice. Dressed from head to foot in white, every Ruler in the Kingdom, except Kaede, knelt in front of the huge pyre before the sun rose. As it crept over the horizon, the monks began the death knell; a deep, resonant clang that announced a House in mourning. Yuki, Shunya and their staff will wear white for a year and had Kenta taken Kaede as his wife, she would too.
I was thankful for the ceremonial make up that masked my face; I felt guilty for allowing my mind to wander but I could not think of Kenta for it was full only of her... I still do not know who came to my bed but my head still spun as my body remembered her touch and how it had made me feel.
It was as if the flames that I watched were lit inside me and I felt for the first time in as long as I can remember, the desire to be touched by another, to kiss her... to feel that complete... The flames were hypnotic and as I gazed into them, I thought back; trying to recall any little detail that might tell me who she was...
I could not even remember her voice although I knew she had spoken... her hands, I thought, were soft...but that told me little. Any Ladies' maid has soft hands... I could not even remember whether I had felt her hair on my skin; I had no way at all to find out who she was... I wondered whether it mattered who she was... I could hardly begin a liaison with a maid from White Lake after all... but I wanted to feel her hands on me again...
The sun rose higher and the pyre began to burn in earnest, spewing black, venomous clouds of smoke over the Courtyard and the sound of someone trying to stifle a fit of coughing brought me back to the funeral. I realised that my knees ached and I wanted a drink. I could not have anything. There was a pavilion at the far side of the Courtyard, put there to provide brief respite for those overcome by the heat or the smoke and I thought, for a moment, about excusing myself and going to sit in the shade for a short while but when I caught sight of Shigeru, I knew I could not. I could not be alone anywhere. I closed my eyes and tried to take myself back again, back to that feeling of bliss that had not come from smoking my pipe but the damage was done and I could not...