Year of the Boar, Tenth Month, Day 11.

I find myself with little to do but write... the weather took a sudden turn for the worse late yesterday evening and the rain has not ceased since I noticed it had begun; a relentless downpour that serves only to seal the gates of my prison. I suppose I could go out if I truly wished it but I rarely wish to leave my chamber until I cannot and then, of course, going outside becomes the most important thing in my life.
Atusko sent her people to repair the damage I had done to my chamber this morning without a word about it. I still have no idea how it happened or why she refuses to address it but I remain resolved not to break the silence on the matter. The ache with which I woke yesterday has not left my bones and I know I should see the physician but I am too afraid about what I might discover... If he can even be trusted to reveal the truth... I am still not convinced that he is not somehow involved in this plot to kill me but if I have him removed from the House, Izumi and Atsuko would just find another as their vassal and I would likely be in even more danger than I am now.
I believe that I understand now, why Seira simply ran away from home. How much easier it would be to relieve myself of all repsonsibility and take a job in a remote village somewhere I was unknown... Shimmering Dawn perhaps, or Purple Lightning... or perhaps I could join a troupe of travelling minstrels and make my living playing my koto...
If only it were as simple as packing up a kit bag like Seira and finding a group of travellers with whom to find shelter... If only...