Year of the Boar, Eighth Month, Day 21.

I was too tired to finish writing last night; it was the middle of the night before the last ember died and although I was too fraught to sleep; there came a point where the need for rest simply overwhelmed me and I could not write any more.
Today has been as wearing as yesterday was but Lady Iyo has been so kind. It feels strange to refer to her as 'Lady' since we are of the same rank and title; I could simply call her by her name. She is a Lady though; so gracious, elegant and poised - all the things that I am not.
Today, the cinders from the funeral pyre were gathered and painstakingly encased in a series of small lacquered jars and all of us stood in the Courtyard while the monks who were not collecting the ash chanted more sutras. I could not say whether it was residual heat from the pyre or that it is unseasonably warm here or whether I just felt ill again but I wished more than anything that I could just go and sit down. I could not; even if it had been seemly, Shigeru was there again. I knew he was lurking there, waiting for a chance to make good on his threat and I could not let that happen so I stood with the rest of the Rulers until Lady Golden Harvest took shelter. When I saw her leave the mourning line and head in the direction of the pavilion, I followed and slipped in behind her.
We remained in silence in the pavilion for a while until eventually she rose to return to the funeral. I heard my voice crack as I blurted out that I would prefer her to stay. She looked at me, tilting her head in the way that we all do when we wish to imply that someone has lost their mind but are simply too polite to mention it aloud. I fished around for a response but all I could manage was that I could not be alone.

She hesitated a moment and then came to sit beside me. She did not say anything for what must have been a quarter of a stick and then she told me that I looked tired. I nodded at her, swallowing

"These are difficult times..."

Lady Iyo nodded slowly.

"Were you very much in love with Kenta?"

My shock must have been evident because she continued by telling me that it had not been common knowledge but that she had seen the hurt in my eyes when he and Kaede had made their feelings for each other quite obvious. That was a long time ago... I shifted uncomfortably, clutching the thin silks at the neck, still saying nothing. I felt my teeth scrape my lower lip and Lady Iyo continued.

"And then of course, there was that... other... matter. I trust all that is behind you now my dear?"

That was like an arrow to my heart. It was not behind me. How could it possibly be behind me? It will never be behind me, not even when he is dead... I felt my eyes prickle with the tears that welled almost instantly and I shook my head, suddenly blurting out that Shigeru meant to destroy my House. Lady Iyo's response was to tilt her head at me again so I told her about the letters and then I told her about the note. I shrank away from the anger on her face but she shook her head.

"It is Shigeru who angers me, my dear. Not you."

She actually hissed.

"How dare he?! Who does he think he is?! It is tantamount to a declaration of war..."

Lady Iyo looked grim but I shook my head sadly.

"It is not though, is it? I cannot fight back and his Lands annexe mine. There would be no war because anyone who would send me aid could not. There would be an occupation and then... death..."

I knew my face was wet with tears and I was embarrassed by them and that yet again, when protocol was paramount, I was making a scene. She dabbed at my cheeks and eyes with her sleeve before pulling me against her as if I were her child.

"Something must be done about that little tyrant... something should have been done before."

The monks outside ended their sutras and began the death knell again and over the bell, I heard Lady Iyo say that she would speak to her husband. For what purpose,  I did not know and I did not ask; I simply allowed myself to feel comforted by her arms around me.