Year of the Boar, Tenth Month, Day 19.

Dear gods, Rani's delegation is at the border and if they push the horses, they will be here in but two days... two days... gods why do you hate me...? Could you not simply consign me to the Seventh Hell and have done with it...?
Unless...  I am already dead. Yes, I am already in the Seventh Hell and  I have been dead for some time... suddenly it all makes perfect sense... why my situation simply will not change no matter what torture is heaped upon me... why nothing changes for the better... and why even the slightest pleasure leads only to further pain... why I cannot forge relationships with anyone around me... because they are not real... the only thing that is real here is me... How is that I did not realise this before... then... when... when did I die...? How long have I been here imagining that I live...? I have no way to know when life ended and death began... Perhaps it was after Shigeru... perhaps it was before that... when I had the accident that I believed nearly ended my life. Perhaps it did end my life and nothing has been real ever since...
Perhaps everything that has happened since I woke after that accident has been my punishment for being a terrible daughter to my parents... Then... I must find a way to speak to the gods for if this truly is the Seventh Hell... or indeed any of the Seven Hells... there must surely be a way to communicate with them and beg them to end it...