Year of the Boar, Fifth Month, Day 26.

Will they not just leave me alone?! My chambers are no longer my own. The court officials led, no doubt, by Itsuki have formed some sort of ... timetable... they barge in, like clockwork at certain hours of the day, expecting my seal to be put on papers, or wanting me to make petty decisions, the like of which could easily be made by another. No amount of screaming or tantrum throwing will send them away, they just kneel, impassive until I have done as they wish. Itsuki says that if I do not go to my offices, then my offices will come to me, that no matter what has passed, Dying Crane must continue to operate as usual. She has never been a favourite of mine, it is true - always standing in the way of my decisions and attempting to pursue her own agenda but... I never imagined she could be this cruel. Can she not understand that I just want to be left alone...? Even the opium fails to do its work these days... I find myself smoking twice as much as I used to and still only managing to remain barely calm.
Gods, I hate Itsuki.
Earlier this afternoon she thrust her way into my chamber and told me that I was to serve tea to the Lord of Broken Rampart. A guest from another Kingdom, I suppose, since I do not recall any House of Broken Rampart. I refused, pleading illness, but Itsuki asked me in that *tone* she used to use when I was a teenager if I "was intent on bringing shame to the House of Dying Crane..." I wept, telling her I felt terrible, in no fit state to entertain a foreign envoy and that I would be more likely to bring shame on the House if I Greeted him in this state than if I sent my apologies but Itsuki remained firm. I pulled my blanket over my head and told her that I was the Ruling Lady and I would do as I pleased and Itsuki actually wrenched it from me... and then she told me that if I did not bathe, dress appropriately and present myself to offer Hospitality, then she would bring the visitor to my rooms and I could do it here... I stood immobile while two maids dressed me; dragging the heavy silks over my shoulders and pulling my sash until I couldn't breathe properly. I made not one single sound as my maid pulled the brush through my hair until it shone half-heartedly, a mere shadow of its former glossy self, and there was a time when I would have cared. At last they stopped fussing, fixed some jewels in it and walked me to my antechamber where Itsuki waited.
I had no time to take my pipe before I was frog-marched to Greet the guest and by the time I arrived at the Reception Rooms I was already suffering from that nausea that preludes my desperate need to smoke... His Lordship of Broken Rampart was indeed unknown to me, and could not have looked less like nobility. His hair unkempt and skin unwashed, but what know I of foreign Lords? I attempted small talk, the usual, sleep-inducing stuff of the Courts; weather, the quality of the tea, and all the time, my stomach churning and head reeling. And there came a point when His Lordship seemed to notice something amiss and asking me if I ailed he did move towards me with such suddenness that I startled and backed away hurriedly; before I knew it I had shrieked at him in fear not to touch me. I really think that His Lordship was more shocked than I for he all but leapt backwards. Of course I apologised immediately, murmuring some excuse about the heat making me feel unwell, despite the fact that if anything, it was slightly cold. I could see in the stranger's eyes that he did not believe a word of it but he was gracious and behaved as if nothing were awry. Somehow the tea ceremony was completed and I returned to my rooms, but I do not think I could bear to leave them again and if Itsuki tries to make me, I shall... I shall...