Year of the Boar, Eighth Month, Day 23.

After another night punctuated by the sound of monks chanting and banging gongs and the cloying incense that winds around the halls suffocating anything it meets, I woke feeling as if my head were stuffed with wool. Before I had time to tell Atsuko that I would breakfast in my room, Lady Iyo arrived with the intention of accompanying me to breakfast. I had no desire at all to go to the Banquet Hall and watch the other Rulers stuff their faces with all manner of ridiculous delicacies as if nothing were amiss and we were all on a holiday but since I am anxious not to alienate the one friend I may actually have, I allowed Atsuko to dress me and I went with Lady Iyo.

It was as I had thought it would be; the tables were already laden with pastries and stuffed river fish, steaming bowls of spiced vegetables and piles of exotic fruits. It was fairly quiet; Lord Yuuta was at a table and Rina and Shinshinousuke of Shimmering Dawn were seated and in the furthest corner from everyone else who was in the Hall, Taira of Crying Orchid sat on his own. Taira paid me no mind but as Lady Iyo and I walked over to join Lord Yuuta, Rina sniffed loudly and remarked to her husband that she wondered why Golden Harvest thought it wise to consort with the likes of me... She was far less complimentary than that but I see no need to mar these pages with her actual words...

I felt the tears that come so easily these days well immediately and made to turn around and leave the Hall but my intentions were thwarted by the vice-like grip of Lady Iyo's fingers on the edge  of my sleeve.

"Do not." she said through gritted teeth. "Do not give her the satisfaction of seeing you leave. That is exactly what she wants."

Before I could frame a reply though, I heard Lord Yuuta put Rina firmly in her place. I believe I may actually have gasped to hear him defend me as if I were his own daughter. Their daughter, Suzuya, is not here. Heavy with child; she cannot travel although I am sure she would have wanted to come. She and Kenta were great friends when we were children. It would be the worst sort of omen for a child if it were born at a funeral though, so I cannot say that I blame Suzuya for not being here.

Lady Iyo and I knelt at the table and Lord Yuuta told me straight away that I looked absolutely terrible and that I should have stayed in bed. I was so shocked that I almost laughed out loud. I made do with inclining my head and wishing him a good morning but before I could continue with the customary pleasantries, Lady Iyo had begun talking quietly about returning home.

"It would be wise, I think, if we sent you home under the banner of Golden Harvest." she spoke slowly looking thoughtful. "Yes... I have been watching him..." I did not have to ask who she meant. "I do not think it would be at all sensible for you to return to Dying Crane with a retinue the size of yours. Any soldier worth his salt would see you coming from miles away... A decoy would be the thing, I think..."

I felt my teeth scrape my lower lip and a deep flush spread over my cheeks and down to my neck.

"I... so many of the Nobles wished to pay their respects and I did not feel it would be right to let them all make their own way here when they come under my banner.."

I trailed off; unable to admit that I had had almost no say in the matter at all and that in fact, I had no idea who had actually accompanied me until we were here. I suspect Lady Iyo knows more than she implies in any case for the next words from her mouth were that she had not visited the North for some time and that it would be rather pleasant to spend the autumn where the changing leaves were so dramatic. I blinked at her several times before I managed a reply. I would be delighted to offer Her Ladyship Dying Crane's hospitality, of course. Inwardly my heart soared at the thought that I would have protection from someone other than Shigeru and sank at the idea of letting someone into my home. I felt ashamed at the thought of Lady Iyo seeing Dying Crane as it really is... no... at the thought of her seeing me as I really am...

Lord Yuuta nodded, agreeing quietly with his wife that it would be nice for her to take a break but pointing out that Suzuyo may give birth at any time... perhaps it would be sensible for me to stay at Golden Harvest for a while. Once the baby is born, Lady Iyo could return to Dying Crane with me... Lady Iyo nodded.

"Perfect." she said, nodding. "You and a small number of staff will come with us and the rest can make their way back to Dying Crane at their leisure... "

I could say nothing other than whisper my thanks hoarsely while Lord Yuuta told me that he would make the arrangements for everyone other than Atsuko, Nanami and Chiyo to return to Dying Crane under their banner and he would have his staff help my maids so that I could go to Golden Harvest with them.

I am still confused by this offer of friendship from Golden Harvest. I have done nothing to deserve it and I do not recall them being any great friends of my parents... These days I recall very little about my parents at all so perhaps they were friends... I did return to my bed shortly after we had breakfasted; I ate little other than some rice again and I felt so tired that I knew I would not be able to stand all afternoon while the monks consigned the lacquered ash boxes to the family mausoleum if I did not get some rest.

There will be one more day of ceremony before the funeral is over; no doubt some of the Rulers will wish to sojourn at White Lake a little longer and relax a little before returning to their Houses but I imagine that Lord Yuuta and Lady Iyo will wish to return to Golden Harvest as quickly as possible. At least I hope they will.

This afternoon's ceremony was as wearing as all of the others have been. It seemed as if the monks would never stop their chanting and the sun seemed hotter than ever. We stood outside the mausoleum while the monks piled the little boxes into the alcove next to the one holding Shunsuke's ashes. Each time a box was placed upon another, a gong sounded and a new sutra chanted; it seemed to take an eternity. Eventually, as the sky began to darken and the sun started its journey down towards the horizon, the last box was set in place and each mourner went into the mausoleum and placed the customary white camellia in front of the ashes. With each flower, yet another sutra and with every three flowers, a fresh cone of incense was lit; the air was thick with it so that I felt choked and exhausted. The sky was black before the ceremony was over and I could barely stand the thought of waiting even one inch of a stick longer to sink into my bed.

I fell asleep as soon as I pulled the cover over myself yet less than two sticks later, I found myself wide awake and sleep would not return... I do not know how long I have been writing; my mind will not stay quiet. I am regretting my decision to go to Golden Harvest already. Suzuya's baby is expected imminently but there is no guarantee that it will arrive when it should and there is no guarantee that the birth will be without complication or that Lady Iyo will actually want to return to Dying Crane at all once she sees her grandchild... I do wish my mind would engage before my mouth...