Year of the Boar, Ninth Month, Day 6.

I am anxious to resume my travels and return home before any more ill can befall me but I still feel tired  and as if mounting a horse would simply be exhausting. I have decided that it would not affect my situation greatly to stay for another day or two and so I shall remain here until I can face the idea of continuing.

I have not managed to speak to Nanami about what happened at White Lake; in fact I have not been able to speak to her at all. She remains angry and unresponsive and I do not know what to say to her in order to break the silence. I did ask Atsuko what ailed Nanami but all that she had to say was that Nanami was missing her grandmother. I do not believe that for a fraction of a stick but I suppose it could be that Nanami has not spoken to Atsuko about whatever is bothering her either.
My sleep was beset by dreams of my encounter at White Lake last night; in my dream, I heard her voice and it was not Nanami's voice that I heard. Why I should put my trust in a dream I cannot say, but when I woke, I felt relieved to know that it was not Nanami who came to my bed but I am still no wiser as to who she was. I wonder now whether it even happened at all; my dreams are often so vivid that they seem real. Perhaps I dreamt her. Perhaps her presence in my chamber was simply a message from the gods to make me understand what has been wrong all this time. I suppose I have no way of knowing. I wish I could confide in someone but the House knows far too much about my affairs as it is. I suppose it is no worse than what they already know but my cheeks burn with shame at the mere thought of adding to their food for gossip.  I feel alone as I have not in some while. My relationship with Nanami is broken and Atsuko and I are hardly faring better. I do not know how I can make this right. Part of me does not care. What I would not give for a pipe...
I ventured outside for a while earlier and it was very pleasant to sit in the fresh air.  I had found a short novel in the common room and took it with me but the saccharine tales of a Lord rescuing his Lady from a mythical flying beast became more than I could stomach so I set it aside and simply sat in the sunlight absorbing the pale slivers of light as they slid through the gaps in the clouds and strayed across my face.